Permission to Be Cringeworthy

If you aren't looking back at your older work and cringing, I can assure  you, you are doing something wrong.

Whether you are an artist or an entrepreneur,  messy action is a must!

In this week's episode, I am sharing why it is so imperative to give yourself the permission to be cringeworthy. I also share a few ways  you can learn to love and accept your "hotmess-ness".

At the end of the day, you cannot learn to drive a car set in park. We all have to start somewhere!

You got this, sis!

*As mentioned in this episode, here is the link to my digital tip jar. Thank you so much for supporting a small business! *


**All my fellow mamas out there: I am a potty-mouth,  so you may want to listen with headphones on!**

If you found this episode helpful it would mean the world to me if you could share it with a friend or screenshot this episode on your phone, upload it to Instagram stories and tag me (@designingvibes).  This podcast is not monetized, so spreading the word is the best way to "pay me back" for my time and wisdom- so to speak.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Introverted Influencer Podcast. I'm your host, Erica Vank. My soul's mission on this planet is to help fellow introverts grow their online influence and estate a feminine flow and ease, while battling the lows of depression, anxiety, and even mom guilt. I've somehow managed to build a six figure blog without the use of social media and without sacrificing my mental health. If I can do it, you can too. Hey, y'all, welcome back to episode 32 of the Introverted Influencer Podcast. I am so very, very grateful that you are here. And if this is your first time joining, welcome, welcome. Let me give you a big old hug. So before I get into the meat of today's episode, I just wanna let you know about a new feature that I have added down in the show notes today. If you would like to share your support for this free life and business advice that I give every week, because I currently am making no money at all from the show. And actually it's costing me money right now between paying a hosting company to distribute these episodes to Apple and Spotify, and then for an editor that I use as well. So no pressure at all, but if you would like to contribute anything to the show, generate some good karma instead of charging you like a Patreon sort of fee, like many podcasters do. I decided against the Patreon route and I am just going to, I've opened a digital tip chore. You can contribute to it if you feel called to, and I will link that tip option in the show notes. But I thought, like public broadcasting operates from this model, so why the not? And if you don't have anything to give monetarily, no biggie, but you can always give a written five star review on Apple. They are like gold to a podcaster, especially a new podcaster like me. And they only take like two seconds if you don't know how to do it, just freaking Google it. That's, that's the answer to everything in life, I swear, especially business. But if you don't know how to leave a view on Apple, Google how to leave a view on Apple, it'll show you, it's so easy. It takes two seconds, but it really makes all the difference to the growth of any show. That is what signals the algorithms to actually show this podcast in search results. So please help this message. Get out to other women who need it. And I just wanna thank you for the support in advance and I freaking love you. Thank you. So now that some housekeeping matters are out of the way, I wanna get onto the message that I have for you today. So if you have been falling along for any amount of time at this point, you've probably gathered that I am in a transitional phase of life right now and it's really messy. But despite the mess<laugh> and the discomfort in it, it's actually invigorating at the same time. And I'd kind of forgotten what that felt like because as you probably know, I have it in the intro of my podcast. I have been kind of in the top of my industry for, it didn't take me that long. Uh, I've been blogging, it's gonna be seven years actually, in October. And it took me about two, two and a half years to really get traction in it. And I've really felt like I've mastered blogging to a great extent. Like I'm no Beyonce of blogging or like, no, what would you say, Joanna Gaines. But I have made a pretty viable career out of it. And so blogging kind of became like second nature to me, and it was my comfort zone blogging about interior design and diy. And I still do that. That's how I make my living. But for I would say, hmm, it was right before Covid for two and a half years, I have had this tug on my heart that through all the challenges I've been through in life, like with the depression, with some addiction issues, mental health, major mental health issues, and then learning how to turn a passion into a full-time living, there was just this sense of I have mastered something in life and I need to teach other women. And you know, the DIY thing, sure, I'm contributing and inspiring others, helping them, you know, think outside of the box with home decor and home improvement. And that's, that's awesome. But I really wanted to touch, touch women who kind of were in the same position I was like eight years ago, nine years ago. And there was that tugging, but it was like, how the hell do I go about it? How am I supposed to teach women this? Like blogging's my thing, home decor is my thing. Interior design's my thing. That would just be kind of crazy to get into a whole new industry, right? But gosh, a year into that tugging on my heartstrings and, and that knowing like I need to be doing something more, it, it kind of started to weigh, weigh at me and drag me down a little. And the more you push it down,<laugh>, the heavier it seems to get the problem was I was afraid. I didn't know the what, what step I needed to take. So it was kind of just, it was like a, um, self-induced kind of purgatory, you know, where, you know, you need to be doing something else, but you don't know what, and you're too afraid. So you just stay in this comfort zone. And then I get in these crazy moods where it's just like one day something. I just get like these divine downloads. And so it was back in February of this year and I just scrolled out in my journaling introverted Influencer podcast. And it, it wasn't from me, it was like from an angel, from God, from source, whatever you wanna call it. But I was like, that wasn't me. What the hell? Podcast like<laugh>, I am a horrible speaker. The last time I ever gave like a public speech, it was in college and it gave me a panic attack. And that's when actually some of my anxiety, I've always had the depression, but the anxiety came on big time in college. I got medicated, uh, got prescribed Klonopin after this panic attack and then that's when I got addicted to it and got ultimately put in rehab for it. So that's not an option. So I kind of had just, you know, writing and blogging is my thing, not speaking. So why the hell am I getting this download for a podcast? That's insane. But then there was this excitement too, this tingle of excitement like, Whoa, but what if, what if I could do that? I do have something to say. I do have a message, I have things that I've learned. And even if I, I'm only like, I don't know, a step or two ahead of these women, I think actually it's probably a lot more inspirational than a lot of these women that are like multimillionaires, high level entrepreneurs. You know, sometimes that's just not even relatable. So thank God I latched onto what if I could do it? And guys, if you go back to episode one, the first episode, I believe a title was done is better than perfect. And straight up on the episode, I was so freaking nervous, I was shaking and I'm like, you know what? I don't feel like taking the time to like get equipment, learn, learn the proper way. Cuz I know if I get stuck in perfectionism and in the whole like, educational process of this, the learning that's gonna slowing down down, and if I think about it too much, I won't do it. So it was like total impulse thing. I decide like the same day I get the download that I'm gonna get on my phone and learn how to just record an episode for my phone. And actually I've got my phone here, I'm gonna put it on, uh, do not disturb<laugh> right now, cuz I finally have a microphone that I just got last week. So anyhow, and God, I was so afraid to do it, I felt like such an idiot. I was shaking. I couldn't stand the sound of my voice. But guess what, After, after I recorded that first episode, I felt liberated. I felt alive again. Because there's something about when you stay in your comfort zone and it might not even be comfortable, that's the thing. It's just the known you might be complacent, not motivated. Maybe you have like some fatigue issues, lack of focus. And that's kind of where I was headed. I didn't feel as inspired anymore and I wanted to go to sleep at like three, three o'clock every afternoon because I wasn't challenging myself. I wasn't growing and I was, I was denying my inner knowing I was stagnant is what I was. And so I just wanna give you today permission to be a hot mess. Like go ahead and do the thing, like do it cringeworthy. I want you to look back years from now and be so embarrassed of yourself<laugh>, because guess what that means? You are evolving as a human being and you aren't saying stagnant. That means you're listening to your soul and feeding it and challenging yourself and growing and you're not dying inside. And so I was thinking of this message because I went through another like podcast milestone for me. So my comfort zone kind of, even though this still isn't comfortable for me at all, my comfort zone, how I made it like easy for myself and sustainable to keep showing up for these episodes was like, okay, I'm super introverted and it's just gonna be easier if I can do these solo casts. So if I mess up or if I make a fool of myself, I can just delete it and forget it and nobody ever has to hear it. So the next challenge was to have an actual podcast guest on. And I was so afraid to do it because I'm like, you know, if, if this person has to dedicate time for our interview, like I can't, I can't mess it up and if I make a fool of myself, like it's just gonna have to be what it is cuz I don't wanna waste the other person's time. So if you listened, that was Was that episode, that was episode 30 with Gina Oldham. And she said, um, since you're gonna be a keynote speaker at, at this event in November, why don't you have me on and we can kind of chat about it? And I'm like, Oh God,<laugh>, oh, I'm so afraid to have someone on the show. But okay, what if, what if it, what if it turns out okay, y'all<laugh> all my biggest fears, uh, came true with that interview back in episode 30. Um, we had like major technical difficulties. I didn't know what I was doing on Zoom at all. And like halfway through the interview, we got timed out. I'm, I'm learning this new Mac I got for the podcast. I've always been like a PC girl, can't figure out anything on the computer. And it threw me off. I kind of stumbled. I didn't ask all the questions I wanted. I said a lot of ums,<laugh>, but guess what? Afterwards I didn't die. And once again, it was like I stepped through a new level. It was messy. No, I wasn't happy with with the way it like completely turned out. But I was proud of myself because I was challenging myself and I was giving myself permission to not be perfect. So if I could stress anything to you, this is, this was the process with my blog too. I look back on blog posts in the early days and I am, I just wanted to delete them all.<laugh>, it's so bad, but I did it. And you know, some of those ugly posts are still some of my most popular ones. And I think that just goes to show humanity is craving realness, rawness like enough of this fake, glossy. You know, like traditional media is, is a dinosaur. Nobody wants that anymore. That's why like social media and podcasts and, and YouTube has gotten like, I think way more popular. People want real. So give yourself permission to be a hot mess. Do it messy cuz at least that means you've freaking done it. And there is, um, there's a meme that I I came across of course on social media and I just wanted to share it with you because it just really hits this message home. And I wish, I don't know who to um, credit this to, but it just says the quickest way to succeed is to start now and figure it out as you go. You can't learn to drive in a parked car. And that's the truth. And if I look back, you know, I'm still, in terms of speaking in the podcast, I am so not where I want to be. I don't know if I'll ever be exactly where I wanna be, but it feels so good. I feel alive again guys, this, um, gosh, it's this heaviness of of not being the person, you know, you need to be that, that will weigh on you and uh, it, it can, if not checked, it can lead to some self-loathing for sure. So even though I'm uncomfortable right now, and even though this is really messy, I feel alive again. That's all I can say. And I'm so proud of myself regardless of my ums and forgetting words.<laugh>, I had mom brain and I, I smoked weed out of a aluminum, like homemade aluminum bowl like every day in my teenage years. So I probably have like early onset, um, dementia and that's why I can't think of words, but I'm doing it. Okay, I'm showing up and I want you to do the same. So go inward right now and ask yourself like, where, where could you show up just a little more for yourself and show up a little more for your soul? And it doesn't have to be perfect. Perfection is completely unattainable, just make peace with that now. But as you, as you get going, you will learn to hone your craft more and more. And if fake it till you make it doesn't work for you. I know personally I'm not a great liar. I, I freeze up and I just can't do the lying thing. So what I've had to learn to do is just to out myself. And that's what I did in the very first episode of this podcast. I've said, you know, I suck at speaking. I get nervous, I'm nervous right now, but I'm doing it. And so, out yourself, out yourself as a student, I think this really takes the pressure off of showing up in a certain way, a certain way that's really not authentic to where you are in your life right now. So just give yourself permission to be the student and to show up in that way. If it makes you feel better, if you're one of those that like to fake it till you make it, then by all means do that. I was sort of able to do that with the blog. I kind of showed up with authority even though I didn't really feel all that authoritative at the time. And that was okay. It, but, but that didn't demand as much of me because riding in design just kind of came naturally where this doesn't. So I guess it kind of just depends on how much you are having to step out of your comfort zone. But even though many aspects of blogging were kind of second nature to me,<laugh>, I was still very hot mess in a lot of ways. It took me a long time to figure out the photography. I had tons of typos in my blog posts that my mom would always call out and hell, I still do have typos. I'm not gonna sit and obsess over everything before I get it out. Because if I were to do that, if I were to sit and obsess over how everybody was going to receive this, if they were gonna like it, if they were gonna think I was an idiot, if they were going to notice a typo, I would not, I wouldn't have the creative freedom. And as, as a creative, even if you're not like a literal creative, like an artist designer, if you are a business owner, you have to be creative. So you have to give yourself space to, to be wrong, to not get it, to not get it perfect every time. Right? And not only that, but if you are putting so much pressure on yourself, and it's like every week or every time you have to like, I don't know, film a real for Instagram or film a video for YouTube or write a caption for your, for any of your social media posts, if you are just obsessing over it, that's gonna feel like so much more of a burden to do that. You're not gonna wanna show up as consistently. You're making it harder for yourself to show up consistently. And to me, it's in the beginning, it's, it's really all about consistency. So like, I, like I've said, like I said in the first episode, done is, is really better than perfect. But even more important than that, please just rip the bandaid off, sis rip it off. Yes, it's gonna be messy. Yes, you're probably gonna cringe, but remember, if if you're not, are you even freaking human? And, and if you, if you don't look back at whatever your craft may be, like, look back a year, look back two years. And if there's not something that, you know, you couldn't critique about it, what even is that, that means you're not evolving in and refining your craft. So do it. Messy girl. And I think I'm gonna stop my rambling right now and, and just let you know, I am rooting for you. I am cheering you on. You can do this and you're gonna feel so much better after you get that weight off of your chest. You've got this. Thank you so much for stopping by this week. I make no money from this podcast. So the best way you can pay it forward is by leaving this show a five star review, sharing it with a friend, or even screenshotting this episode on your phone, uploading it to your Insta story and tagging me in it at designing vibes, sending you my love.