I realize that many of us - especially women- have been taught that playing small and/or being self-critical is somehow virtuous and polite.
Well....that notion is actually a whole bunch of bullsh*t, and in this episode I am sharing why.
**All my fellow mamas out there: I am a potty-mouth, so you may want to listen with headphones on!**
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Welcome to the introverted influencer podcast. I'm your host, Erica. Vanke my soul's mission on this planet is to help fellow introverts grow their online influence and estate, a feminine flow and ease while battling the woes of depression, anxiety, and even mom guilt. I've somehow managed to build a six-figure blog without the use of social media and without sacrificing my mental health, if I can do it, you can too. Hello, my beautiful friend, and welcome to episode 19 of the introverted influencer podcast. So this week I felt really called to debunk some flawed core beliefs that I think women in particular have been contiioned to hold as truth. And it's this whole notion that playing small or even keeping ourselves in check by constantly criticizing ourselves is somehow synonymous with virtue and humility. Well, guess what? That's a big load of BS because believe it or not self deprecation and imposter syndrome in this loop of I'm not good enough, who am I to do that? Well, that is actually your ego running the show. And I know most of us have not been taught that in the Western world, but there are actually two opposing sides of the ego. One side is the most popular interpretation, which is, you know, overinflated, hubris, arrogance, but on the other side of the ego coin, so to speak is actually the exact opposite of inferiority and fear of what others will think. And in the book, a power, the power of now, which is a New York times bestseller. It's a great book. If you're on your path to spiritual enlightenment, I highly suggest it. But in this book, Eckhart tole, the author basically attributes all of our suffering to the ego and to the over-identification with it. And in this book, he outlines a few reasons that we suffer due to our ego. So I would like to read that to you now. So basically what he's saying, the ego is very vulnerable and insecure and it sees itself as constantly under threat. And then he goes on to explain fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of being hurt and so on. But ultimately all fear is the ego's fear of death of annihilation to the ego. Death is always just around the corner. And then I love how he goes on to address this whole kind of inferiority complex. He says another aspect of the emotional pain that is an intrinsic part of the egoic mind is a deep seated sense of lack or incompleteness of not being whole in some people, this is conscious and other unconscious, if it is conscious, it manifests as the unsettling and constant feeling of not being worthy or good enough if it is unconscious, it will only be felt indirectly as an intense craving wanting and needing. In either case, people will often enter into a compulsive pursuit of ego gratification and things to identify with in order to fill this hole they fill. So now that homeboy at Gar to has pointed out to us, you are not being virtuous or considerate by playing small or putting yourself down. And now that you know this, that basically when you do that, it's your ego taking over and trying to protect you from annihilation. You really don't have any excuses anymore because it's actually selfish and egoic not to show up and share gifts with the world. When there are people out there that need your product, your service, your're painting your tutorials, your music, your words, your haircuts, your facials, whatever it is within you holds the power to change lives. And if you are wallowing in fear or who am I to do that you are depriving the world of your unique contributions. And don't beat yourself up over this. If you've been caught in that loop, because I'm still working through this, but I think it makes it so much easier when you're able to at least identify now your ego and what's going on. And there was actually a therapist who recommended even giving that critical voice in your head. Um, the ego, like an alter ego name<laugh> um, like Norma, for example. And so that just when you get in that loop, it makes it easier to snap out of. And if you still don't believe me, if you still think this is all spiritual, woo, woo. Mamo, jumbo. I wanna give you an analogy and I wish I could take credit for it, but I just heard it one day and it really just reeled this message in for me even more so it's, it's like you're sitting at a swimming pool and you notice that there is a child struggling to swim and looks like he is about to drown. Well, it's you, aren't gonna just sit around and say, oh, I'm not qualified to save this child's life. I'm not a lifeguard. I don't know CPR. No, you're going to jump in and do everything in your power to save that precious child. You aren't gonna wait around for someone to deem you qualified. So stop thinking so much about your self and how you're going to be perceived, or if you're going to embarrass yourself or fell. And instead think about all of the people out there that you can serve. All of the people that need what you uniquely have to offer and know, we can't all be rockstar surgeons or first responders literally saving lives. But each of our souls are put on this planet for a unique purpose and to express that purpose. So by daring to be true and authentic and vulnerable, and even messy, not the water down ego version of self and by interacting and expressing to the world from this heart centered place, we give others hope, no matter how trivial you perceive your calling or your job or your career to be, you have the potential to even change just one life by being yourself and being boldly yourself and to distill this message down even further so that it really hits home with you. I just wanna end this episode with a beautiful quote from Marion Williamson, who is another author that you should check out as we let our light shine. We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same as we are liberated from our own fear. Our presence actually liberates others. Thank you so much for stopping by this week. I hope this episode was just what you needed to hear just the kick in the to stop playing small and shut down your ego and perfectionism, and just do it already. I made no money from this podcast. So the best way to show your support is by leaving this show a five star review on whatever podcast platform you use, or by sharing it with a friend or even better by screenshotting this episode on your phone, uploading it to your Insta stories and tagging me in it. Designings sending you.