In today's episode, I am taking the stigma out of something we females are often shamed for while simultaneously conditioned to be.
From an early age, we are taught to associate our looks with our ultimate value as human beings and while this is an issue that will likely take years to undo, I am sharing a way to reframe this sometimes icky feeling by using it as a tool for good. .
**All my fellow mamas out there: I am a potty-mouth, so you may want to listen with headphones on!**
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Welcome to the introverted influencer podcast. I'm your host, Erica . Vanke my soul's mission on this planet is to help fellow introverts grow their online influence and estate , a feminine flow and ease while battling the woes of depression, anxiety, and even mom guilt. I've somehow managed to build a six-figure blog without the use of social media and without sacrificing my mental health, if I can do it, you can too Welcome back to episode 15 of the introverted influencer podcast. I really hope that you are finding value through these bite sized wisdom drops. I've been releasing on a weekly basis, and if you're just tuning in for the first time, let me give you a big old virtual hug. I have been trying my best to cover a combination of practical business advice and woo woo mindset material, both of which are things I wish I knew when I first started my entrepreneurial journey back in my twenties. But if there is something in particular that you'd like me to cover in future episodes, please hit me up on Instagram direct messages with your topic request. I'm on Instagram as at designing vibes, because I am totally open to your suggestions. So my intentions for today's episode is to try to take the stigma out of something we are often shame for, but simultaneously conditioned to be. And especially as women and that strange paradoxical phenomenon in our culture is what we refer to as vanity. So in this episode, I would like to touch on how to reframe this sometimes icky feeling tendency, because we've been shamed for it and use it as a tool for good. So if you don't struggle with pressures related to your physical appearance, first of all, I am totally jealous of you <laugh> and I would like to give you a big whopping high five . That's very impressive. And you can probably skip over this episode if you don't struggle. But if you'd like to get into the mind of someone who does struggle continue on <laugh> . So in my personal feminine experience on this planet, I know many of us have been so deeply conditioned to play so much of our value in the way we look that it's not just something that can be switched off or corrected overnight. I recognize that for me, it's an issue and a struggle that will take years and years to work through and rightfully so. I mean, hell I was raised in a family of beautiful old school , Southern women and was modeling in beauty pageants from the time I could freaking walk. And by the time I was in fifth grade, sadly, I was already dieting and developing disordered eating patterns. But unfortunately I never even knew that there was another way or option of living life as a female. I just thought that it was normal to be hard on myself and hate, hate the way I look <laugh> . But in the same token, this isn't about blaming my childhood conditioning or even society in general, because what I've been discovering about myself in recent years, by doing more of , um, like childhood regression and hypnosis and just more self-actualization work, I've uncovered that really at my core essence, I am a very visual person and beauty is important to me in every aspect of my life. I mean, I'm an interior designer for God's sakes. <laugh> so all of that being said while I do think that we all could benefit in practicing self love and trying to work to undo a lot of the dysfunction that the media and pop culture have ingrained in our subconscious, I have also chosen to take the path of least resistance and make peace with this facet of my personality. And I am not gonna beat myself up over who I am or how I was conditioned because, at this point, it is what it is. I'm knocking on 40 store <laugh> and yes, I'm gonna try to learn to love myself more, but this is also just a facet of kind of my, the way I want to express in this world on this physical plane we're physical beings. So I think some of it's just human. So it belonging for beauty and optimizing my physical appearance is ingrained in my very core and being, how can I see this more shadowy, often shamed aspect of myself from a more loving perspective and how can I use it? My so-called vanity as a tool for good, well, first of all, I can just F own it and help take the stigma out of it by discussing it openly on my platforms and dis and being open with other females and not pretending it doesn't exist. Like so many of the so-called experts and public figures out there who say you shouldn't use filters on your Insta stories, or that you should just love and accept yourself for who you are and that it's superficial or anti female empowerment to get breast implants, because that would mean you're less authentic as a human being. No, that is actually their shadow. That's their judgment. That's their ego. That's not mine. If a filter or plastic surgery gives you the confidence to show up and express your gifts to the world, then all the more power to you, babe, personally, I know that investing in my physical appearance is also an investment in my business because when I feel good about myself, I'm more inclined to get in front of the camera and be seen and share my messages with all of the women out there that need to hear it. And I, I do the whole gamut. I have a personal trainer, I do Botox and fillers. I've had breast implants, I'm owning it. But I think the key here is to use these tools with reasonable expectations. And to be honest with yourself on why you want to augment your appearance in the first place, because if it's coming from this place of, you know, it's gonna fix all my problems or you're just doing it, cuz you're in a funk of like self self-loathing. You should probably reevaluate that. On the other hand, if you see it for what it is just as a tool, like an optimization tool almost. And if it gives you the confidence to be all that you were put on this planet to be awesome, go for it. What really gets me agitated when I think of some of the business coaches out there that I have even followed. One thing that really just got under my skin is , uh, the claim that having a cosmetic procedure or using a filter makes you less authentic, sorry, but I'm not buying it because you can be real with your energy, your actions, and by sharing what's on your heart. Authenticity is not solely dependent on how you look or if you used a filter on your end story. I mean, do we sit around and say that the queen herself, Dolly Parton is inauthentic with all the work that she's obviously had done? I mean, in my opinion, she is one of the most authentic and endearing entertainers to date. I freaking admire her greatly, but I think that what separates Dolly's having, you know , all the multiple cosmetic procedures she's had from say the Kardashians that won't freaking admit it is that Dolly just freaking owns it. She's candid about it. And she's still down to earth and how the hell can you not freaking love you some Dolly? So if you get nothing more from my ranting today, here is my permission slip to you. If you hate the way you look on your camera phone when shooting an Insta story , because you're too lazy to put on makeup every day , like me, then use a filter. If there's something about your physical appearance that is holding you back from showing up in the public eye, when you know, that's, what's required to reach your goals in life, love yourself through it and try to make peace with it. But if you can't do something about it, boo, just make sure you've done your research on whoever you use, cuz there's some bad surgeons out there and bad injectors. So be careful <laugh> but the calling on your heart is way too important to let something like crooked teeth or crow's feet stop you from being all that you were put on this planet to be the world needs you and your gifts. And while I'm riffing my fellow human beings, especially women let's stop this holier, the mal attitude on all of these matters concerning vanity enough with the freaking judgment and gossip. Can you really freaking blame artist's functional thoughts on body image? We OGs had like no sort of body positivity back in the day, unless we got it from a caregiver or some sort of role model. And I know, I sure as hell never had that sort of role modeling. All I had was stick thin, freaking Kate MOS on a Calvin Klein ad in my YM magazine. And yes, <laugh> now I'm really showing my age here . But at the end of the day, we have to just love ourselves where we are and pat ourselves on the back for the crazy mess we have somehow survived. So I hope this message just empowered you and maybe even helped you make peace with some of your own conditioning, especially like I said, as a woman in our society, the thank you so much for stopping by this week. I make no money from these podcasts. So the best way you can support this show is by leaving me a five star review on whatever podcast platform you use or by sharing it with a friend or by screenshotting this episode on your phone, uploading it to your Insta story and tagging me in it . Designing bobs , sending you .